College Admission Essay

See I was searching through my college stuff yesterday(one of those nostalgic moments)and i saw a photocopy of my college admission questionnaire:The main reason why the college gave me admission,according to me is the answer given by me to the following question.go through it and tell me honestly wouldnt you make me the teachers pet???

Question 12:Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling Mount Everest and Kanchenjunga;
I helped Vishweshwaraiah build the KRS dam during my lunch break making it more efficient in the area of heat retention. I teach Hindi bad words to Thai refugees, I wrote “Geetanjali” and gave it to Rabindranath Tagore for proof reading and you know what happened! Don’t you?

I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, I cook 2 minute maggi noodles in 1 minute, I’m an expert in figure skating and javelin throwing but for some reason I’m in the most wanted list in IRAQ. Using only an axe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in Cheerapunji from a horde of ferocious army ants, and the USA has sent out satellites searching for me with “kill at site” orders.

I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges and Flyovers in Bangalore. I enjoy hang gliding on my rooftop. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of fashion wear made from torn Bermudas and Reebok shorts.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I’ve been the caller number 8 for Channel V Hotline and MTV Repeat but Cyrus thinks I’m making a bakra out of him.
I toured Andhra pradesh with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration and I scored 700 runs in partnership with Sachin tendulkar but he forgot because he was only 6 months at that time, poor thing!!! My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children hate me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire kitchen that afternoon. I know the exact location of every proctologist in the city. I have performed several covert operations for the CBI.I'm Lalloo's favourite auditor and I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. Once when on vacation in Kandahar I successfully negotiated the release of all passengers taken hostage by terrorists. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and I can knit 33 sweaters (XXL size) in 1 day. On weekends, to let off steam I participate in sleeping contest with my dead cat. I've acted in many superhit movies but in all of them i had to disguise myself as Shahrukh Khan.Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I can cook meals for a full congregation of 200 people using coriander leaves and cumin seeds. I breed prizewinning cows. I have won bull races in Madurai, Cliff Jumping competition in Madhyapradesh and "Kozhikode" pronouncing contest in Chandigarh. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Mahatma Gandhi.
But I have not yet gone to college.Please give me the admission,I can make you people famous.